• Viktoriya Cole

As If Living the Good Life is Easy

For those of you who do not know, I am one of 12 kids. Yes, we are blood-related from one Mom and one Dad. One of the biggest pros to being a part of a large family is having interactions with lots of different personalities. You technically cannot be lonely because at least one of those siblings is always around you. We shared rooms and even apartments together. I still remember how my Dad would not allow me to go hang out with friends because he told me that my siblings were friends. That irritated me so much but in a sense he was right. I have maybe two people outside of my family that I am connected via friendship and the rest of them kind of dissipated. I was the 'good' kid. My parents loved to display the 'good' kids and talk about them to the kids that were not so well-behaved. Sometimes that made the good kids kind of hated. I totally understand the frustration of a child that keeps getting compared to another child. I remember one of my siblings telling me that you're a 'goody' good and that I had no idea what they are going through. Even though that might have been the truth, but being good was not an easy name to live up to.


I share openly about waiting for my husband and keeping myself pure. At times, I would get the vibe from people that I had it easy. Because my choice seemed easy and on top of that I was unrealistic. Every human wants to be validated and I was yearning for the same thing except it wasn't a validation that I received but criticism. Partially I think it was because I was not like everyone else. I was swimming against the current instead of with the flow. I felt misunderstood so many times by my peers that I practically found more comfort in being friends with my teachers. They were the only ones that were validating me in my decision because they've experienced so much more than my peers. Even though most of them did not choose the same road as I did, they understood where I was coming from. 


I understood that because my decisions were not like the ones most people made, in the long run, I didn't have to deal with the bad consequences of bad decision-making. I always thought to myself why would anyone want to carry baggage into their next phase of life when life is already so tough. Honestly, both sides of the spectrum are difficult because you either suffer at the beginning or the end depending on the decisions that you make. For example. because I was strict with my standards in high school and through college, I've progressed above and beyond my years. For most of those years, I was respected but very isolated and lonely. I am not trying to show off but just bringing up an example. I remember seeing a lot of people from my school on social media and most of them were young parents. I am talking about like pregnant in high school and either not graduating or barely making that graduation mark.


Now that I am a parent, I cannot even imagine doing the parent life on my own and being so young. Not to say that there are people who haven't done it and did it well, however, I truly feel like they robbed themselves of opportunities as well as their children. Not only did they end up having to pull double shifts on their job but they also are doing the parenting on their own because it was either a one night stand or there was no commitment involved whatsoever. 


Bottom line is that waking up everyday and choosing to do good in life is not an easy task. You have to walk in integrity even when no one is watching you. This may not be a passed on trait for you and you have to wake up and make that decision every day so that it becomes a part of who you are. Most people think that their decisions only affect them, but in reality, it affects your whole circle of family and friends. Think about it, when you make a right decision, you not only ease the minds of your friends and family, but you also free yourself to help others. Sometimes we are so preoccupied with our own selves because we are facing the consequences of our bad decisions every day that we don't even notice someone truly in need. I am saying this first and foremost to my own self. (absolutely quilty) We are so busy trying to voice our hurts and our opinions over social media that we don't even have the time to come up with the solution for whatever it is that we are complaining about. Micheal Jackson put it best in his song lyrics when he was singing about starting with the man in the mirror. I love what it says at the end, 'if you want to make a world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make that change.' It all starts with you.


You may think that you are this one insignificant person that nobody cares about and notices but you can create change that is beyond your wildest imagination. The success and wealth belong to anyone that is willing to bring solutions to the table instead of shouting about the problem from the rooftops every day. Let us be a part of a solution starting with our own selves. It may not be an easy decision to make every day, but it is definitely the right one!


Create Coleture, Be YOU


Viktoriya Cole

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