As I scrolled through my blog posts this morning, I noticed that all I had for this blog was a title. Made me giggle because I wasn't sure what inspired me to call this blog 'Wife, the Guardian!' So I decided to finish this blog today because I remembered how important it was for me to share this with all woman that are married! Even if you're not married yet and you are single, this will be great information that you can apply to your life even now so that when you do make that step, it will be a part of who you are and you will not have to think twice about being that person!
I am definitely not an expert on being a wife but every day is a new day to learn and to be something better! My husband and I have been married for two years so far. It has been a wonderful journey and at times a tough one because it requires us as human beings to step over our pride, our comfort zone and submit. Now, I know so many women cringe when they hear the word 'Submit!' I can say that for some cases, it is cringe worthy! There is a lot of physical and verbal abuse that is going on daily in this world. I am not an advocate for verbal or physical marital abuse because I've never experienced it, however, I did experience verbal side of that when I was growing up! (If you are experiencing any kind of abuse, you need to talk with someone that can help you with that!) I do understand why it would be difficult to submit to an authority that is abusive versus loving and understanding. Let's just set that aside and we will just focus on talking about the beauty in submission for right now. Submission is actually a word that can put you in a place where you will be under a blessing and not under a curse. What do you mean Viktoriya? I am glad you asked:). I mean that being under authority and under your covering keeps you in alignment and obedience with God. Sure, there are times when I disagree with my husband on certain things but it is even at those times that God spoke to me about being silent and submitting even if I thought or knew:) that there was a better way than his way! You probably heard this a million times by now from someone or maybe this is new to you, but it's never the BIG things that cause tension or divorce. It is the little things that go unresolved that can snowball into a BIG thing and cause major damage in your relationship.
When we have these issues in our marriage or a relationship do we run back to our spouse to resolve it or do we run away, hide it on the inside until we either burst at the seams with rage once we reach a tipping point, or do we run to our girl friends and ask them for advice? I don't think that these disagreements were ever meant to be discussed outside of that relationship (this excludes abuse as we mentioned before). I cannot tell you how many times I heard wives embarrass their husbands in PUBLIC and this was when I was single. I would cringe at the sound of their words. I vowed to myself that when I would be a married woman that I will NEVER EVER EVER do that to my husband! I always knew that marriage is no longer two people operating separately but two people working together for one common goal. The Bible calls us 'ONE FLESH!' Even when I was single that was something that I grew up understanding and so when I would hear those comments directed at their husband, I knew right then that these woman didn't understand that concept. When you talk bad about your husband, you are actually talking bad about yourself to people that are not partakers in your marriage. Marriage consists of only two people! (you and your husband and God (of course).
Within these two years of marriage, God has taught me so much about protecting my husband's heart and being his guardian. It has made our marriage so much stronger and so much more intimate. (not talking about sex:) Information is intimacy and when you learn to keep that within proper boundaries, you will experience so much joy and love that the outsiders, who do not live by that principle, will tell you that it will not last! I refuse to let these people tell me what will last or not last in my life! Whatever I desire to accomplish in my life, I will do so and being a wife that God has called me to be is one of those desires!
I was reading Proverbs 31 recently and my heart was set on verses 10-12 where it says "an excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband TRUSTS in her and he will have no lack of gain. She does him GOOD, and NOT HARM, ALL the days of her life."(Notice I had to capitalize on the important words) Wow! Notw that is a woman that we can all look up to! Trust has to be earned and at times even more so, if that trust has been broken for years. Ladies, if a man shares something with you, it is because he TRUSTS you. What you do with that information is so vital to your marriage or a relationship. You can either expose his weakness in public or you can protect his heart and be his guardian and experience a love on a greater level that you could have ever imagined possible! God trusts us to treasure the hearts of our men. He trusts that we will do them no harm for as long as we live.
What do we experience in return? When a woman treats her man like a KING, with a genuine and authentic honor, he will treat you like a Queen in return. Treat others like you would want to be treated! (phrase we hear so often) The greatest challenge for us as wives is to look past our husbands' weaknesses and faults and love them unconditionally. (meaning that we don't say things like 'well what do I get in return?) When your heart is in the serving with all of your heart, mind, soul and body, then God himself will reward you! I am reminded of a scripture that says that 'God is the rewarder of those who DILIGENTLY seek him.' (Hebrews 11:6) Don't get so caught up with your reward that you lack to see and experience a true reward in serving your husband and being the guardian of his heart! My reward is in seeing my husband be at peace in his mind because he trusts me with his life. My reward is in knowing that my husband will come to me because he feels safe to be vulnerable with me. This is my reward and everything else is a bonus. Of course, there has to be an exchange in a relationship. You cannot be the only person depositing all the time but it might require you to take the first steps and sow into your husband, especially if you had years of broken trust! If you do something for long enough, you will win that trust back. If you are single, then this is a good concept to follow even with the relationships that you have now. Learn to be a trustworthy person. If you know you cannot handle certain information, stop that person in their conversation and let them know that you're not able to help and maybe direct them to a pastor!
“I pray that God will help you to be that trustworthy person, that wife, that friend and that guardian. I know that it might not be an easy journey and at times you will have challenges, but with God's help you can do all things! You are that Proverbs 31 woman!”
PS Feel free to comment below and let me know what you learned in your marriage or a relationship when it comes to trust, even when it was challenging!
Create Coleture, Be YOU
Viktoriya Cole