We all drink our coffee just a little bit differently. Some like specialty coffees like sugar and cream topped with whipped cream and a caramel drizzle while others just ask for a plain black cup of coffee. Hey, maybe some of you don't drink coffee and to that, I have nothing to say. LOL (I can definitely live without coffee but I do enjoy at least one cup every morning.) I know exactly how Ryan likes his coffee and it's way too sweet for me. Even when we go out to grab some coffee, his pick is always more complicated than mine.
This might have been a strange title for a blog, but I am definitely going somewhere with this, I promise. Since Valentine's Day is coming up, I wanted to share a few of my thoughts on what a healthy relationship looks like. I know that at times we look forward to this day to get celebrated. (nothing wrong with that) Sadly, for a lot of people, this may be the only day that they are acknowledged. I get it, life gets hectic. Most of us have a list of responsibilities that we tend to from the time we wake up to the time that we get to lay our head down from an exhausting day. When we actually do lay down in bed, we might stare at the ceiling and reflect on everything that happened that day and probably mentally make a list for the next day. I am guilty of doing just that! Being a homemaker is one of my jobs but at times I can get consumed with the tasks so much that I lose sight of the people that I love. I know I have that small voice on the inside of me that tries to bring me back to what is important and if you've drowned that voice out for a long time and you don't hear it, maybe this blog can serve you as a reminder to go back to the basics.
We can get so caught up in doing life that we forget to notice the simple things that can touch the heart of the person that we love. Maybe they do expect you to shower them with gifts on this day that is also so commercialized along with all the holidays that are celebrated. What if we make it our goal to do something special for our loved one every day instead of just remembering to celebrate them on that day with a cliche card and a dozen of roses. What if we make it a goal to start a new gesture every Valentine's day and do it the entire year. How would that affect our relationship? I can guarantee that it would thrive and make it so much stronger. For example, my in-laws have this morning routine that is super sweet. Ryan's Dad is a morning person and since they work together for the same company, he lets his wife sleep in while he starts his work early. To help her wake up in the morning, he heats up a cup before he pours in fresh coffee and brings it to her in bed. I mean what a wake-up call right? (especially on cold mornings) This is just one of the million of sweet gestures that you can do to let your spouse know that you love and appreciate them.
One of the greatest challenges that I face on daily basis is showing Ryan that I love him through my language of love. If you've read my blogs for a while, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're new, I would definitely recommend you to read the book, 5 Languages of Love. My language of love is 'Acts of Service.' So of course doing all of the chores at home comes very easy to me because that is my way of showing others that I love them. Of course, when it comes to a relationship, that is not the way it goes. Ryan's language of love is 'Words of Affirmation' which I will admit does not come easy for me to give. Partially because my mind tells me it's ineffective because that is not the way I feel loved. Another reason why this love language doesn't come naturally for me to give is that I grew up in a household where little to no affirmation was given to me. This is not to shift the blame onto my parents because I truly believe that my parents gave me what they had to give. So one of my biggest challenges every day is to ask myself how can I be intentional with giving my spouse what they need! I can't lie it's one of the greatest challenges that I ever faced because I find it so easy to revert back to my own language of love. I realize that we are imperfect human beings and we make mistakes and have selfish tendencies, but that is why it is very important to discipline ourselves and to always strive to be better.
A cup of coffee might seem like a meaningless gesture, but it says so much to the person that you love. How can you show them love when you don't even know the basics of what they like or dislike? Life can get hectic and responsibilities will continue to add on to your list. So even a cup of coffee fixed the way they like can make an impact on your relationship in a positive way. You can start with a cup of coffee and work on adding more gestures until loving them the way they want to be loved comes naturally to you.
This Valentine's Day I want to challenge you to not only show your significant other some love via presents but also start doing something every day for them that you've never done before. I can guarantee you that your spouse will really appreciate it!
Love is not about how much you say I love you but how much you prove that it's true!
Create Coleture, Be YOU
Viktoriya Cole